Conversation; how to avoid getting tongue-tied at parties, by Dominic Knight

Illustration of guys and girls flirting over conversation at a bar

Have you ever been invited to a party and the only person you know is the person who invited you and the thought of trying to make conversation with complete strangers creates a knot in your stomach? or maybe you can start the conversation but find it fizzles out too quickly, you get tongue tied with the people you most want to talk too, well all that can change when you know how …

Imagine for a moment instead If you could walk into a room full of strangers and instantly strike up an engaging conversation with anyone there and if you were single and noticed someone of the opposite sex you could create a conversation that creates intrigue and chemistry? As you continue to read this article, I will be sharing with you some of the secrets of great communicators, you see engaging communication is not something people are born with it’s something that you really can learn, In fact, I will share with you the number one topic that every one likes to talk about, can you guess what that is?

Now first, think back to a time when you’ve been totally absorbed in a conversation. You were talking, and you felt rapport with the person you were with and then suddenly you find yourself totally enamoured in the moment. Your breathing slows down and the person has your undivided attention. It’s a magical connection. You feel as if you’ve know this person your whole life. You say something and create instant understanding. It’s almost as if time is slowing down and you are feeling a connection beyond words. These states can be easily created deliberately once you know how. Below I have put together a number of my favourite tips, use them and really begin to enjoy the results!

picture of Dominic Knight in bar amongst group in conversation

My Favourite Tips

  • You are only ever tongue tied if you are nervous, so prepare yourself with good feelings. Happiness is contagious, if you feel good and in the party spirit, people will naturally gravitate towards you. Women spend time doing their make up and men today take even longer getting ready. However no one really take’s the time to make themselves up from the inside, get yourself into a good state, remember times that you had great conversations in the past, next imagine the event you will be going to being fun! 95% of what we feel is made up of how we use our own imagination and how we communicate with ourselves, so see the event as a success…then think of things that make you laugh and most of all do not take yourself too seriously! This gives you more flexibility in your behaviour.
  • If you’ve never met the person before and wish to strike up a conversation, use the following opener and work the entire room with it:

“Hi My name is …….. …..we haven’t met yet and I noticed you from over there and wanted to say hi”

The key to this is in your emotional state if you say this with genuine curiosity and sincerity the person you are talking to will feel it and you instantly establish rapport.

  • People’s favourite subject is THEMSELVES, listen carefully and take a mental note of their interests and desires, what they value most. A great question to elicit this would be “What do you do, that you enjoy the most that you are truly passionate about? or “what are you most excited about in your life right now?” Then listen attentively, within their answer is the key to their heart.
  • Steer away from negative topics, never talk about negative subjects because you may end up creating a negative atmosphere in the midst of the conversation and the person may associate the negative feeling’s with you, in the words of Richard Branson “Never complain and never explain”. 
  • Powerful and Influential communicators use “I” statements what this means is that you wouldn’t immediately ask the person their opinion what you would begin with is stating your opinion first i.e “I think think the decor in this venue is outstanding, I particularly like….”  then ask them “What do you make of this place” or “I love getting to know new people at parties like this” 
  • When the person you are talking to contributes something that you admire, such as they are involved in charity work, if it’s something you genuinely respect use the “I” statement again say to them “I really like that about you”. If you are complimenting someone be specific on what it is.
  • Convey interesting stories from your own life experiences, by sharing things about you, you will find others more open to share about themselves. Everyone like’s a good story, don’t give everything away so you keep them coming back for more with an alluring presence of mystery!

Follow the above steps and really make a lasting impression on everyone you meet. If you want an instAll Usersant boost of confidence prior to any social event try my APP 14 Seconds available on Itunes.

Written by Dominic Knight

Master NLP Practitioner & Clinical Hypnotherapist Dominic Knight is based in London’s Harley Street. Dominic’s outstanding work has been featured in the worlds Press from USA Today to The Times. Dominic helps hundreds of people from all around the world each year, to put their lives back on track or truly unlock their potential.  For more information about his life transforming methods download a FREE Chapter of Dominic’s book Pushing to The Front from his website